At the "Root" of the problem is a "Crab Apple"

So today is the day I start this whole fruit and veggie diet.  Sigh...I'm feeling very crabby. I can't "get my head in the game" so to speak.  


To be completely honest, because I knew I was going to be starting this diet, I went on a bender! At work people celebrated my birthday with bagels, cupcakes, candy, etc... and I pounded it all down with fervor. I even hit up McDonald's for dinner and sucked down the fries like a vacuum was attached to my face. I felt like an inmate on death row, who had to savour his last meal before execution.  Sounds extreme right? Well, unless you suffer from sugar addiction, you wouldn't know.  Bob Greene (Oprah's former trainer) once said on a radio station I was listening to, "It's harder for a person to maintain a diet and quit certain foods than it is for heroine addicts to quit heroine." Something resonated with me regarding that statement.  It's true though when you think about it.  You (HAVE) to eat to live, you don't (HAVE) to do drugs to live.  So the moment you put food in your mouth (good or bad) it triggers all kinds of urges for other foods.  Drugs you can quit cold turkey and you never have to have them again. Just food for thought people. If you are struggling, don't let anyone bully you into the whole "It's just will power" attitude.  It's not will power.  It's war on the floor! It's a battle every day. To trivialize it is just outrageous to me.  And I know I'm going on a rant here, but I also don't appreciate the whole, "Just exercise more" philosophy.  My answer to that philosophy is, "Go get yourself some PCOS, live in my life, with my body and then you can tell me how to eat and live." I'm not directing this at any one person, I'm just saying this out loud for all people who think it's so easy.  It's not. 


Yesterday I finally did the grocery shopping for all my low sugar diet foods and my basket was filled vegetables, whole grains, cheeses, some apples and a mango.  I felt frustrated and depressed as I walked through the store. I seriously feel like I'm being punished. It should be such a little thing to change my diet and I should do it with joy, but inside I just feel annoyed. 


So many things keep rolling through my head like, "What if I try this and it doesn't work? What if my chemistry stays the same? What if I still don't ovulate? What if I actually do get pregnant and I miscarry?" I'm 38 and I have (never) been pregnant.  There are just so many "what ifs". 


I'm going to sign off now, go take a shower and then begin my veggie prep.  For anyone reading this, maybe internally wish me luck.  I'm feeling rough. And for anyone else trying to change their life too, I wish you the best. I know it's tough.