This may be a strange way to start a post, but how many of you have seen the first Rocky movie? I ask because if you have, you'll know what I'm talking about and if you haven't, well...you'll just have to try and imagine what I'm saying. I promise I'll make this come full circle and get back to the baby making progress.
The first Rocky movie is about a down and out fighter who's had a bad run of luck in life. He gets a break to fight a champion and takes it. In the end, he doesn't technically win the fight, but in alot of ways he does. He realizes his potential, he bonds with a group of people who identify with his struggle, and he walks away knowing that he gave it his best shot.
I feel like Rocky, this has been a fight, slug for slug, drug for drug, test after test. I'm feeling a bit beaten up but I'm still on my feet, no-one's pulling me out of this fight!
I went to the doctor this past week and while I was waiting for yet (another) internal ultrasound, I had to sit in a room and wait for my turn. While waiting in the room, I could hear the other patients go in before me. It's not like you are listening to someone on purpose, it's just loud and you have no choice but to hear. So I heard the woman and long story short, she's having triplets! She was complaining about how she doesn't want "all boys or all girls" and that it "better be a mixture". I would be dishonest if I didn't say it severely annoyed me. You are getting (3) babies and you are being picky. Rude. Then the patient was a "couple". The two women are partners and did artificial insemination and of course, they are pregnant. I couldn't help but to think, "I do it the natural way and nothing. Other people do it scientifically and bam...a baby." All my positivity that I had been feeling all month long deflated like a balloon. I was happy for the other patients, but desperate within myself.
I was sad as I went for the ultrasound and when the lady asked me, "How are you?" I managed to mumble an untruthful, "fine". As I laid there on the table with that giant rod poking at my insides I was more than aware that the people waiting to come in could hear my conversation just as I heard the other patients. The ultrasound technician started stating all these numbers and codes that I had no idea what they meant to the nurse behind me who wrote everything down on a piece of paper. When they told me I could sit up I asked doubtfully, "So did I ovulate?" The tech told me, "Well, we can't tell for sure but it looks pretty good. Your left side is limited but on the right you have a big clear follicle. The researcher will be able to tell you more after your bloodwork."
I definitely got down from the table with more hope than I had gotten onto the table. As I got dressed I heard the next patient and of course...they are pregnant. I didn't let this one get to me. I might have ovulated. This was a good sign. Like Rocky, I had been hit but I was not knocked out!
When I met with the researcher she took three viles of blood (which I was thankful for, last time it was 10!) Then I stepped on the scale and found that I gained another 7 pounds, oh the joy! Then she measured the oil in my face and we talked. I told her that over the weekend I had terrible migraines that woke me from my sleep, and lower ovarian pain. She took my blood pressure and it was skyrocketing. She told me to get the bp under control and I headed back to work.
While sitting at work, I got the call from my researcher, Michelle. She told me that the blood work showed that I had ovulated and that she thought it might've been over the weekend since I had pain in my ovaries. I couldn't help but to smile from ear to ear. I asked her again,"I ovulated? Really? I ovulated?" I thought I was going to cry. I may not be pregnant, but I ovulated! The drugs are working! Let me repeat, the drugs are working!!!!!! The goal was to get me to ovulate and I did. Now I have to wait a couple weeks and go back for another test and if I didn't get pregnant, I'll start my next round of drugs. (By the way, Rocky wins in the second movie).
So bringing this full circle, I feel just like Rocky. So maybe I didn't win the fight, but I'm realizing there's potential people! My word for 2012 is HOPE!
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