Hardwired V. Re-Wired

I wish I could write right when the moment strikes, but often times I am at work or in the car when the best thoughts come to me.  I guess I'll just have to do my best to recall what was the feelings and thoughts were of the moments this past Wednesday.


This past Wednesday I left my house at 6:30 am to head to the research study.  I was more than a little surprised to see people standing line line at 7 am, waiting to see the staff. At exactly 7:01 they opened the doors and we all made a dash to write our names on the clip board. I honestly didn't have to wait that long this time and only had to have a blood draw (Thank God!) 


Even though I only had a blood draw, I learn something every time I go to the research center.  Michelle, my researcher, is so informative and over all, very positive.  She's not positive in an annoying way though. Positive people who over hear conversations and don't even know you that make blanketed statements rub me the wrong way. You know the people I am referring to.  The ones who say, "Oh, everything will be ok.  Oh, just use will power.  Just think positive." Ugh..that annoys me to no end. You can be helpful without being annoying, it is possible. Michelle on the other hand, she is just a flat out positive person. She lives optimistically so it doesn't come off fake or as a band aid to your problem. In talking with her, I realized, I might be hard wired to be a little negative, ok...alot negative.  My life experiences have taught me that things don't always go according to plan and that there are always bumps in the road, which makes me look at things from a negative perspective. Even this whole journey, I have felt (and have even posted) the "what ifs" and the "probably nots" because that is what I am use to.  


In talking with Michelle, I started to wonder if I could slowly re-wire my brain? You know, my dad is a bit of a hard tack. He has a good heart, but he is no nonsense in alot of ways. And I think I picked some of that up from him.  But I'm beginning to think that I need to try to re-wire the brain into a more peaceful, positive approach.  


Michelle told me that she's done alot of studies and has found that people who focus on the positive usually have better results all the way around the board in all aspects of life.  Of course, my hardwired brain immediately wanted to shout out, "That's so stupid. Thinking about something positively does not and will not change the outcome. That's just stupid. It is what is and that's all that it is ever going to be." But even though I thought it, I didn't let slip out because as she continued to speak, I continued to listen.  And then I began to wonder, "Positive thinking doesn't mean you have to throw out logic completely, maybe it just means you become happier in the reality in which you are living."  So in that moment, I began to really examine myself, inwardly.  I won't lie and say that the hard wiring of doubt, fear and frustration are not still hard wired into my head and constantly work towards being plugged in, but what if I could temporarily plug in the positive? Hmm...food for thought.  I'm going to try it, obviously not in all aspects of my life or I will short circuit altogether, but maybe one thing at a time for now.  I'm going to try and focus on one positive thing about this possible pregnancy at a time and see if it helps the journey along.  


I hope that any of you reading this might join me and think on one positive thing today too.  And if  you can't think of one positive thing, let me help you. I appreciate you for coming along with me. :) If you are reading this, it means you care and therefore you have something to be positive about. You are  caring person. 


And I can't negate the reality of some of the negatives in my posts because I am chronicling everything (and that includes the bad). I want to give the overall experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly.  But I'll try to remain positive in the brain while posting it all. :) 


Here's my first attempt. Negative: Woke up at 4 am with a migraine, had to pee four times in the middle of the night, hands swelled up so bad that I couldn't make a fist. Positive: It's all going to be worth it when I kiss the top of my babies head for the first time. 


Have a good day everyone.